Modeling Self-Kindness in the Classroom

What is self-kindness (A.K.A. Self-Compassion)? Dr. Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as being kind and understanding to yourself when confronted with personal failings. Dr. Kristen Neff says to stop judging and criticizing yourself for your inadequacies or shortcomings. But instead, treat yourself kindly by saying, "this is extremely difficult right now, how can I comfort and care for myself during this time?"

According to Dr. Kristen Neff, there are three elements of self-compassion: 

• Self-kindness vs. self-judgment. "Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable." 

 

• Common humanity vs. Isolation.  "Suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone." 

 

• Mindfulness vs. Over-identification. "Mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity." 

When we recognize that everyone (not just ourselves) encounters frustrations, losses, mistakes, and failures, it will help us treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.

The Dalai Lama says, "Before individuals can develop genuine compassion for others, they first have to be able to commit to caring for their own well-being." 

Modeling self-kindness for our students can be difficult, especially if we struggle with it ourselves. That said, the first step to changing anything is acknowledging that something needs to change. Then, comes the hard part, making the change. 

Here are four simple ways you can model self-kindness for your students. 

1. Create awareness and accountability. Be open with your students and tell them you are working on being more kind to yourself. Explain what self-kindness means and give some examples. Then, ask them to help you recognize when you are not kind to yourself. 
   
   
2. Practice the art of pointing-and-calling.  Japanese train conductors use pointing-and-calling whenever they perform a task. You can use this powerful technique too. When you find yourself in negative self-talk, tap your head, and say (out loud) "stop." Then say, "thank you for bringing up this issue. I will write it down and fix the problem when I have time."
   
   
3. Make a mistake on purpose. Misspell a word on the board, solve a math problem incorrectly, make a reading error, spill water, or food on yourself, come to school in your pj's, forget something important at home. (If you do this once a month you'll get extra credit points.) The purpose of this is to model your reaction and practice self-kindness. Start by saying things like "I am so stupid; teachers aren't supposed to make these kinds of mistakes, I thought I was better than that," etc. Then, stop yourself in mid-sentence and say; "actually, I just made a silly mistake. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time." Ask your students if they can relate and open up a conversation about self-kindness.
   
   
4. Have a self-kindness marble jar. We've all had marble jars for good classroom behavior, why not have one for self-kindness? Introduce the concept to your students by letting them know more about self-kindness. Invite them to join you and have them put a marble in the jar every time they practice self-kindness too. 
   
   

Good luck and let us know how it goes! #iChoose2BeKind

Until next time... be thoughtful, be present, be kind. ​